Anilbaran Roy’s Diary Notes and Conversations with the Mother.


Dear Friends,

Anilbaran Roy (3.7.1890—3.11.1974) was born in the village of Guir in the district of Burdwan in Bengal to Nabakumar Roy and Chandibala Devi. He was a student of Scottish Church College and St. Xavier’s College of Kolkata. He obtained his M.A. degree in English and Philosophy and Bachelor of Law degree from the Calcutta University. He was a remarkable scholar who excelled not only in subjects like Physics and Mathematics but also in languages like Sanskrit, French and German. He worked as a professor in Hetampur College of Birbhum and Christian College of Bankura. In 1921 he resigned from his services and joined the Non-Cooperation Movement started by Mahatma Gandhi. He was also elected as the Secretary of the Bengal Provincial Congress Committee. In 1924 he was in charge of the Corporation Elections which was initiated under the New Law. The aforesaid election elevated Chittaranjan Das and Subhash Chandra Bose to the posts of Mayor and Chief Executive respectively. He also played a pivotal role in organizing the Swaraj Party established by Chittaranjan Das and Pandit Motilal Nehru. He was introduced to Sri Aurobindo’s works during the peak of his political career. In 1924 he was arrested and imprisoned at the Alipore Central Jail and Berhampore Central Jail respectively. After his release from prison in 1926 he left for Pondicherry following the instruction of Sri Aurobindo and spent 40 years in Sri Aurobindo Ashram during which he engrossed himself in the Integral Yoga. He was acclaimed as the best exponent of the Gita as interpreted by Sri Aurobindo. The Message of the Gita edited by him was taught at the University of Cambridge. In 1935 as a mark of protest against a defamatory book penned by Miss Mayo he wrote the book Mother India with Sri Aurobindo’s approval. His other notable works include Srimad Bhagavat Gita, Gitar Bani, Purushottam Sri Aurobindo, Sri Aurobindo O Bartaman Jagat, Songs from the Soul, India’s Mission in the World, Sri Aurobindo and the New Age, World Crisis, etc. He also translated Sri Aurobindo’s Essays on the Gita, Uttarpara Speech and Yoga and Its Objects into Bengali. In 1966 he returned to Bengal to spread the message of Sri Aurobindo after spending forty years in the Ashram. He worked to abolish the partition of India and unite the nation on the lines of provincial self-government as preached by Sri Aurobindo. He started the publication of a Bengali weekly named Swarnayug and an English monthly named Light of India and edited both the journals. He also established the ‘Sarva Sewak Sangha’ to spread the teachings of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

During his stay in Pondicherry, Anilbaran used to record his conversations with the Mother in his notebooks under the title, With the Mother. These notes began from 27 December 1929 and continued till 28 March 1938. These notes have been published in the online forum of Overman Foundation along with his diary notes. We take the opportunity to thank Shri Debranjan Chatterjee, Librarian of Sri Aurobindo Ashram Library and Shri Raman Reddy of Sri Aurobindo Ashram Archives and Research Department for helping us to collect the conversations and diary notes.

With warm regards,
Anurag Banerjee
Overman Foundation.


Diary Notes of Anilbaran Roy

10 December 1926

Arriving from Bengal I find an all-round change at Pondicherry. Sri Aurobindo has retired and Mirra Devi has taken charge of creating a new world. The nucleus, the central cell (cubical form) will be formed here, of which the life will be the sadhaks present here. Every one of those sadhaks is manifesting a particular power of the universe. I was to be the vehicle of one of the chief powers.

11 December 1926

I took part in group meditation, by the left side of A at midday; and between B and C in the evening. During evening meditation D saw a vision of golden light by the side of A and I was in the centre of that column of light.

After the afternoon meditation Sri Aurobindo saw me for a few minutes. A remarkable change has appeared in his personal appearance — to me he appeared thinner, taller and brighter. I expressed my regret that I was away from Pondicherry at this critical time. Sri Aurobindo said that the unpleasant experiences I had in Bengal were necessary for me and that my absence on the 24th November would not affect me. He gave me three instructions. 1. A new world is being created here into which I am entering and I must now make a definite choice to give up all old world relations and ideas. 2. I must now make a full surrender to Mirra Devi who has taken up the work of new creation. 3. Nothing of what is going on here should be given out to the outside world, as hostile forces, coming to know of these, may try to frustrate them. He explained to me the particular power that was to manifest in me. I have a particular work (which is God’s work) to do but not in the old way. Henceforth I must take all my instructions from Mirra Devi.

12 December 1926

During the morning interview Mother changed my place for the evening meditation to the side of A, with whom she said I had intimate relation in reference to the work and power that is to manifest in me.

At night during sleep I had a forceful attack in the form of a nightmare just at midnight. E cleared it off.

13 December 1926

The attack after last night was explained to me as by the force which is antagonistic to my mission. It is the dark Shakti which is the central force supporting death, dissensions, falsehood…

Today a programme of sadhana was suggested to me from within that I should take up Faith, Surrender, Peace, Aspiration etc. one by one and concentrate on them for some days. As the doubts of my physical mind were creating great obstacles to my sadhana, I took up Faith first and began today to place all the doubts in my physical mind before the Higher Shakti to be cleared by her.

14 December 1926

On the morning of the 14th when I was being roused from my sleep I saw an interesting dream (vision?). A tiger was eating something in a vessel; it ran away at the approach of a black wild elephant. I was pursued by the elephant and cowered; at the last moment a warrior came and pierced the elephant with a lance; the elephant disappeared. Then two men with drawn swords began a bloody fight with each other — the fight was ferocious, there was profuse bloodshed and I intervened to separate them and they were saved from sure death.


During the morning interview I explained to Mother my programme of sadhana and she readily agreed to it suggesting that I should take four days for every item. Thus Faith would be completed by the 16th.

Mother informed me that this morning the dark Shakti referred to before had been imprisoned and placed under the sea for centuries. This Shakti was created with the creation of the world and she was responsible for all false movements. Of course there are numerous other forms and emanations of this Shakti still working in the world and we shall still have to fight with them; but their central support is gone and it will be now comparatively easier to bring out the true movements out of the false.

A.B. [Anilbaran]: Then, this is a conquest for all humanity?

Mother: It is first a conquest for us, then for India, then for all humanity; after that it will be a conquest for the whole universe.

15 December 1926

During afternoon meditation, I saw a ball of golden light seated on a semicircular base of blue above another semicircle of red light. This ball of light descended down to my heart. I felt that now I had got faith established in me and my doubts had been killed fundamentally.

16 December 1926

In the morning I described this descent of light to Mother and said that I took it as a symbol of faith established in me. Mother explained that it was not merely a symbol, but a reality. That day a being had incarnated in me and he was represented by the ball of light and the blue base represented faith. Mother told me how during the afternoon meditation yesterday D saw a new being entering into me. D described his experience to me thus: “A question arose in my mind as to who you were? A sudden flash of light came to me and by an intuition I at once saw that you were V. After that whenever I look at you I find your face resembling that of V. Mother told me that in the evening yesterday F also got a similar intuition.”

V was created at the beginning of the world and he was reincarnating again and again. But this is his last incarnation. All the hopes and aspiration of V will be fulfilled through me.

During afternoon meditation I found that my faith was firmly established and the next item of sadhana I should take up was “Surrender”. After meditation Mother blessed me with a beautiful rose — the symbol of surrender.

17 December 1926

When in the morning I said to Mother that from today I have taken up “surrender,” she was very pleased. She said how during meditation yesterday afternoon the rose came to her hands when she was selecting flowers for blessing me. She said, “A new process of sadhana, a practical process is taking form in you and you should keep short notes of your progress as they will be of great help to other sadhaks.”


Towards the afternoon of the 17th I felt that out of the four days of my surrender this first day should be devoted to the surrender of the mental being in me. I practised the surrender of Buddhi, of intelligence and will, to the Divine Consciousness — my will to be the channel of the Divine Will, my intelligence to be lighted by the Divine Light.

18 December 1926

From the morning and even from the close of yesterday I have been practising the surrender of my vital being — specially my attachment and ties to my former family relations. This morning there was no talk with Mother — I simply bowed to her feet, got the touch on the head and came away. I am preparing to give up my family relations to her — henceforth to be determined by her in the divine way, and not by me in the crude worldly way.

Gradually I realised that it was my egoism that was the knot of my bondage to the old world. If I could dissociate myself from the false self — this ego — I would be free. During afternoon meditation light and power descended from above and cut ties of my ego which felt mortally wounded. After meditation I felt that the ego was to die so that I might be born in the higher Prakriti — in the Divine Consciousness. When blessing me after the meditation, Mother gave me, with other flowers, a red jabā [hibiscus]. When meditating in my room this blood-red flower appeared to be like the blood-stained face of Mother Kali with her bloody tongue lolling out. This figure seemed to demand sacrifice from me and I offered my false ego to be sacrificed. As a symbol of this sacrifice I burnt a black incense stick before the flower. As long as the stick burnt I felt that my ego — my former self — was being burnt. The flower remained fresh and erect as long as the incense burnt and then it dropped down and faded.

19 December 1926

This morning I described to Mother the above experiences and told her that my former self was dead, and that she had given birth to a new self in me, my higher self; henceforth all my old relations were gone and all new relations would be determined only through her, as she was now my real mother and I had now really entered into her family as a new-born babe to be nourished and grown by her. Mother, after hearing all this, smilingly remarked: “You have done this gloriously.”

Then I explained to her the present programme of sadhana that had been suggested to me as follows: This day would be devoted to the surrender of the physical, as the two previous days were devoted to the surrender of the mental and the vital. After this I should take up Peace for four days, after that Aspiration for four days. Then this stage would be completed. I should firmly hold to Faith, Surrender, Peace and Aspiration and leave myself to be worked upon by her in two ways — first, she should carry on the transformation of my being; secondly, she should make me an instrument of her will in any work for which I might be found a suitable vehicle.

I had surrendered my will on the 17th and it is interesting to note that on the 18th for the first time, Mother made me an instrument of her will in a particular spiritual work that she was doing. I had to guard a window against the approach of hostile forces and when I sat for it I found a force coming from her, working through my will, which then guarded the door.

As regards the surrender of the physical, I am feeling that all ideas… about health etc. are to be given up; a new body is going to be created out of the old and for this I have to place my physical being completely at her disposal. During meditation yesterday as well as today I found light descending from the Supramental sun down the spinal column to the very bottom of it. Two lotuses seemed to open under the light, one in the heart and the other in the Muladhar. Thus light has begun to descend down to the physical in me.

20 December 1926

This was the day of complete surrender. From this morning I began to take my meals from Mother and gave up to her all the money I possessed. Mother remarked: “Giving up all your money to me implies that you will get all your needs from me.”

Then Mother explained how already difficulty had arisen in reconciling so many strong personalities to dining together; some arrangement must be done, so that the true significance of the symbol of taking food from the Mother may be brought out. She called me to organize this and remarked that since I came here, she was getting clear visions of organization.

To G she had remarked: “This V has wonderful organizing capacity.” I began by making a list of all the sadhaks for the purpose of grouping.

In the evening at the time of meditation we had wonderful experience, the like of which I had never seen before. H, when bowing to Mother, became evidently possessed by a great force and consciousness, began to move his hands and fingers in a trance-like hypnotic way and spoke sometimes loudly, sometimes almost inaudibly, but always with great force and effectiveness. He spoke such beautiful English that it is a pity that I cannot reproduce the whole. The purport of what he said is this: “Everyone should throw away all doubts of the mind. The time of Krishna has come. Last time He had to retire as the world-conditions, the physical material world, were not ready. He died wounded in his left leg. This time mortality will be overcome, light will descend down to the physical material, every atom of the body will be transformed. Every sadhak will be transformed and get immortality. Do not cover, do not covet — surrender everything to the Mother and wait with calm aspiration. Mother will do everything for you — have faith in her, she is … in you. The Purusha is born in her womb. I am not H, I am of this earth. There is the heaven above, there is the heaven below. I am the heaven below. I shall sweep away all impurities and swallow all dross. Throw away your dross at me, I shall swallow it. By mere touch you will now be transformed.”

Then, one after another, he touched and swept the body of I, J, D, K, L, myself and A.

When I was bowing before Mother, he remarked — “I see the swan — the white swan rising before me — who are you? Who are you?”

I said: “A.B.” He said: “Yes, I see you are the white swan — you will be speedily transformed.” He passed his hand and fingers over my head and face and remarked: “Your eyes will be opened.” Coming down to the moustache he said: “Here are the coils of Rudra — coils of bondage — this bondage will go.” He swept my moustache. “Take a touch from Mother and go.” I again bowed to Mother and her touch this time was thrilling.

When at night I went to her to take my cup of soup, she remarked: “You had an interesting experience this evening. The performances of H are really wonderful. He has brought out the ancient Vedic Truth and expressed it. It is the spirit of the earth incarnated in him. And what he said about your being the swan (V) was really remarkable; I had said to him nothing about this before.”

21 December 1926

Today is to begin my realisation of Peace. For the first time, Mother got a flower today which she found to signify, “Power of Calm” — the flower gives an impression of movement, yet the whole basis was calm. Mother remarked: “This flower has come for you.” and gave it to me…

When at night I went for soup I asked Mother about the special significance of taking the soup. Mother said: “Have you not heard of Divine Communion in this manner? My flesh and blood are to go to you and form your flesh and blood, but instead of actually giving my flesh and blood to you, I sip this soup, put my force into it and give it to be drunk by you.” N expressed the significance beautifully — he said, “By this process we get her even in our physical cells.”

22 December 1926

This was my second day for Peace. Mother said that when I came to see her last morning, she saw an atmosphere of settled peace around me.

After midday meditation she blessed me with Kamini flower, which is the emblem of solid, established Peace.

23 December 1926

This morning I proposed to Mother that I should give up spectacles. Mother enquired about the condition of my eyesight. When I said that medical opinion was that I should always wear spectacles, otherwise it would hurt me, Mother said: “Doctors speak like that. If one has sufficient faith he can get over these troubles.” Mother approved of my giving up spectacles as she found that spectacles were an obstacle to a direct communion with her. She however suggested two methods: one is to give up the spectacles wholly and go with faith through all the troubles that may arise; the other is gradually giving up its use. Both the methods are approved. Mother advised that at present I should use spectacles only when reading and writing. I said: “Without spectacles I could not see things at a distance.” Mother replied: “Why do you like to see things at a distance? That is significant.”

After midday meditation Mother blessed me with Kamini flower and also with a bunch of tall, thin, white flowers with four petals which, she explained, represented calm settled in the body in every cell.

24 December 1926

This was the fourth day of my Peace. I felt that it was fundamentally established in me.

From next day I was to take up Aspiration. Mother explained to me the untold powers of Aspiration. She cited her own case as an example. She was not being able to conquer the subconscious region of the earth — this was not in her nature and she did not know how to do it. She got a hint from H who said: “Aspire, Mother, aspire.” Then she sent up the fire of aspiration. She depended solely on it, did not take to the process of purification or using the light of destruction, but simply aspired continually for about two hours — the fire became stronger and stronger and at last she got what she wanted.

25 December 1926

I begin Aspiration from today. At night Mother told me that in my past life thousands of years ago I had established such an economic organization as had lasted up to this day.

26 December 1926

Just before midday meditation I was attacked with fever. During meditation I had great pain and struggle, but this gradually subsided as I deeply drew the breath of Mother. After meditation, Mother gave me the breath and touch. She had blessed me with a white lotus which represented her own self.

27 & 28 December 1926

The fever regularly came first before noon and subsided towards the evening. Mother explained how the heat of fever is a process of purification in my case and that there were two causes for it. One was that by my aspiration I had brought down great power, but my physical was not yet ready for that and hence the fever broke out as a process of purification. This was the important cause. The other cause possibly was an attack from the hostile forces which found only my physical part weak. The atmosphere of our guest house was congenial for such attacks and must be improved. If I could throw away this attack I would be purer and stronger.

29 December 1926

Last day my period of aspiration ended. Mother explained that now my purification was over, there was no necessity of fever and that now I was out of it. She said how yesterday, when I was intensely suffering from fever, she also felt heat in her body though she did not know that I had fever. Today the fever did not come at the usual time, but late in the afternoon there was a very slight attack which left very soon.

30 December 1926

I explained to Mother how it seemed to me that the four days’ course my fever took came in the course of my system of sadhana for four days for every realization. Thus the four days’ fever was a four days’ course of purification, though in a way it intermingled with my course of aspiration (by which, in fact, it was brought down), beginning a day late and enduring a day late.

Today I had no fever.

31 December 1926

Mother gave instructions about the purification of the atmosphere at the Guest House. She told me that I represented Righteousness and had an influence on O which I should use silently. With the advent of O the spiritual disobedience had come amongst us.

1 January 1927

Early in the morning I went to see Mother. When waiting downstairs with some fresh Sephali flowers in my palm, I, in a sort of vision, saw the bright sun above my head, illumining a vast blue sky. When bowing to Mother I said that my aspiration was to get Truth within this year, Mother said: “Yes, you would get Truth and Transformation, too.”

7 January 1927

Last night when I went for soup, Mother saw a vision regarding me. There are houses of ill fame in France where the women are numbered and are not allowed to go out on grounds of public health. They are made free only if someone comes forward with a promise of marriage. Mother saw India as a woman weeping in one of these houses and I came forward to rescue her with a promise of marriage.

This morning I had a dream that I was carrying Mother on my head and shoulders and that she was doing something in my head. For some days back I was feeling that the Supramental was being established in my mind. Mother explained that this was indicated by the dream. The Supramental is working in my mind and I shall soon see its effect.

The yellow flower with which she blessed me last afternoon represents wealth and health generally but specially it represents true sight. (Here Mother touches the central point of forehead with her finger.)


For some days I had a boil on my right knee-joint and could not go for group meditation. One day L gave flowers to Mother in my name. Mother sent some flowers to me — one “jabā” with four “souls of India”. When meditating before these flowers in my room I saw a beautiful vision of Mother India. She was seated on a lion — as we see in Jagaddhatri figure. She had a crown on her head, a sceptre in her right hand and a book in her left hand, which seemed to me to be the Vedas.

16 January 1927

When meditating before Mother in the morning, I heard the following words from above: “Do not be inert or tamasic — be always alert and keep the right attitude — either the attitude of the Sakshi Purusha or the attitude of Prakriti opening yourself to the Higher Prakriti and allowing the Light to descend on you and work in and through you.”

19 December 1927

This morning I had special interview with Mother. Mother explained how she felt physical relation with certain sadhaks. Of course there is the inner relation with all, but with some the relation is even physical — we have been friends and co-workers in many past lives. These she did recognize as soon as she saw them.

She spoke of my first coming. Sri Aurobindo, saw a bright light on my head but the external mind was shadowing everything, so Mother was asked to see me — (in such cases Mother is generally asked for her inner sight.) When she saw me, she knew at once with a shock that I was one of the first created.

Mother spoke of four creations. First, there was the creation of free beings, but they met with certain oppositions and obstacles which could not be overcome. Then there was the second creation, the creation of the Gods — even in this creation all the obstacles could not be overcome. Then there was the third creation — the creation of the earth, so that the attempt at conquest may be made in a limited sphere and then extended to the whole universe. V belonged to this third creation and was created along with the creation of the earth. The fourth creation is now going to happen. It will begin with the creation of a new cell consisting of 44, forty-four beings; the Supramental will come down and create this cell.


Mother stated how I represented the “Fearless” — one of the very first creations.

2 February 1927

I sang a few songs before Mother on Monday last. Mother was very pleased — there were psychic vibrations in my songs, which were even physical.

Mother explained how things should come naturally and not by force. Thus, if she had tried to give up sleep she would not have succeeded. But one day she found no time to sleep, and then it struck her that she could go without sleep.

The best way to conquer desires is the indirect way. It is no use carrying on an open fight against them; it is better to concentrate on constructive work, building up the inner life.

Referring to the confusion downstairs Mother said that these confusions should be taken as a test. Referring to her own relation with others, Mother said that with some the relation is very smooth but with others there have arisen difficulties which have created mountains of obstacles.

Nothing happens here without a reason, there is reason behind everything, though it is not mental or apparent — the reason is deep and spiritual.

12 February 1927

Today is Mother’s birthday (esoteric). From the morning I am experiencing something of divine love and what it means. It is the human love transformed and divinized, devoid of all impurity, all desire. It is pure self-surrender and bliss and devotion.

Mother came to my room after meal time and in connection with some of her recorded experiences, read last two nights before evening meditation, she gave a short history of her life to me.

From her very childhood, since she attained some consciousness, she was conscious of the spiritual mission that she was destined to bring a new light, make a new creation on the earth. She was conscious of a being within her, — that being was afterwards known to be Krishna, — who said that they both would work together in India for the uplift of the earth.

But in the varied experiences she found the conditions very unfavourable and disappointing, but she never lost hope and always had aspiration. The power of aspiration was wonderful. Her life was full of varied experiences — it is remarkable that all the movements of the universe were exemplified in her life.

She met Sri Aurobindo in 1914. When in the Guest House she saw the head of Sri Aurobindo above the staircase, she at once realized that she had found out her lord. Before coming to India she was following some sort of Yoga in the individual way according to the Raja Yoga expounded by Vivekananda and the Gita and the Dhammapda of the Buddhists. She did not take the philosophy, but the practical parts of these books and practised them in her life in her own way.

… At the first time she lived here for one year. Then the British, not liking that she should live in such politically dangerous association, somehow compelled them [the Mother and her husband Paul Richard] to leave India. Then they went back to France, but she left her psychic being at Pondicherry. The life she had then to live was of terrible experiences which could be told only to those who were very intimate and not to others. At one time she became very ill and was given up by the doctor. On the supposed death-bed she wrote a letter for Sri Aurobindo describing that she was dying. She knew that her work was in India and she also wrote some thoughts that came to her mind. Eventually that letter was never posted. But she recovered. Then she waited for long years to find an opportunity for coming back to India. All the hostile forces of the world seemed to conspire in preventing their coming together. She passed many years in Japan and then after the end of the war and conclusion of peace she returned to India, to Sri Aurobindo. That was a great conquest over the hostile forces — their being joined together. When that conquest has been made, ultimate victory is assured.


Records of Mother’s past experiences read daily before evening meditation.


Anilbaran Roy’s Conversations with the Mother

27 December 1929

I wrote a reply to X’s attack on “The Pondicherry School.”

Mother said: “Sri Aurobindo says it is not worth to give any reply to that man.
In the first place your reply is not in the right way. You bring yourself down to their level and apologize and explain. It is very bad to apologize. What we do, we do because it is necessary. You must not go on giving explanations. You write in a tone as if we are doing what they think we ought to do. But it is not true. There is as much untruth in what you have written as in what the man has said; only he has bad will and you have good will. We have not much clever men amongst us, our organization is very poor, there are better things elsewhere. If we were to depend on these there was no necessity of our work. What do I care whether one paints well or sings well: It is quite possible that these persons may not do well in sadhana. I do not give attention to these things, therefore they do not progress. My object is transformation, not going in the old way.

Man cannot make any progress in the old way; it has to be transformed — that is our object, that is the right answer in two lines. That answer has been given already in the mental, it is not necessary that it should be given a material form; people also will not understand it.

So many stupid things are said about our sadhana. Even people who have lived here for a long time, everyone speaks stupidly. But we are prepared for it. They have to be changed and transformed.

In the second place, it is not necessary to give an answer. Such attacks do little harm. Those who have faith in us will regard these as stupid. Those who have no faith will not be convinced by what you write; they will say that these persons think themselves to be very clever.

I: Take me out of this lower level.

Mother: When you are in your inner consciousness you live on a high level. But when you deal with these persons you at once come down to their level. This must cease. When you deal with them you must rise up even higher than your highest.

It is better that people do not understand us, for if they understood they might come in our way and become dangerous.


On the afternoon of 27.12.1929 Mother heard a voice:

“There is a Power that no ruler can command; there is a Happiness that no earthly success can bring; there is a Light that no wisdom can possess; there is a Knowledge that no philosophy, no science can master; there is a Bliss of which no satisfaction of desire can give the enjoyment; there is a thirst for Love that no human relation can appease; there is a Peace that one finds nowhere here, not even in death.

“It is the Power, the Happiness, the Light, the Knowledge, the Bliss, the Love, the Peace that flow from the Divine Grace.”

Mother brought this typed on a slip of paper and remarked: “I have brought this for you. That must be true even in the most material consciousness.”

5 January 1929

I submitted an account of my earning, all of which goes to my family.

Mother said: I am thinking that your family is lucky, they have lost nothing, you are still earning so much for them.

I: It is a strain for me to write for money.

Mother: Yes, that is dragging you down to the lower level. I am sorry that for this you cannot progress. Your present addresses are not on the same high level as those which you gave before. This also was the case with your answer. Sri Aurobindo remarked that you have lost your inspiration. I know the reason.

I: You take me out of it.

Mother: You remember you made an ugly bargain about your family. I could not possibly allow to do that, so I made the arrangement that what you earn should go to your family. Sri Aurobindo asked where was the money going? When I replied, he remarked, “He also is like the others!”

I: I was satisfying myself that all I earn was given up to you.

Mother: That is a deception you are practising on yourself. You did not give up your family but wanted to throw their charge on me. You still feel responsible for your family. You write for earning money for them — it is this which is standing in the way of your progress. Do not write on anything and everything that comes your way — only write when you have something to say and you can keep yourself in the consciousness of this place.

I: When I meditate on you, I become so absorbed; I do not care for anything.

Mother: That I know, but you must not write unless you feel in the same manner my presence by your side.

Let whatever happen to your family — do not care for that, do not write to help them, write only when you get the true inspiration.

1929 (Undated)

Mother: I give a problem to you. It has been said somewhere in the Scripture to the effect: He who has, shall receive all; he who has not, whatever he has will be taken away from him.

The Christians do not understand it. Here the reference is to the Divine Grace.

If you wish to collaborate with the Divine you must increase beauty, light, joy, wealth, power, but not diminish ugliness, misery, ignorance, poverty and so forth. By helping the poor you certainly do them some natural good. But thereby you bring about a levelling, making the poor a little less poor. Rather make the rich more rich so that in some the Divine may manifest. That applies to everything, beauty, knowledge, etc.

I: Nature does something of the kind: wastes millions of individuals to evolve a few highest.

Mother: Nature’s way is very clumsy.

I: Yes, that is bound to be, because Nature is not conscious but does things mechanically. But the tendency is there.

Mother: There is a consciousness in Nature but not the full consciousness. But Nature does things certainly better than man.

1929 (Undated)

I: Make me absolutely yours. I cannot bear anything that stands between you and me. Make me conscious of any obstacle and I will throw it away with all my life.

Mother: I like this flame. This you have got from your previous incarnation. This flame will carry you through everything. When I first met you under the mango tree, I said within myself, “This man is mine.” When I told this to Sri Aurobindo, he remarked, “That is not a small thing.” I replied, “I do not say it is a small thing.”

I: To give myself to you without any reservation is a great joy.

Mother: There can be no greater joy.

17 August 1929

I: How shall the activity of mind be in harmony with yours?

Mother: My mind is never active, it does not work. What acts in me is the Overmind — not the Supermind. The mind is only a centre of expression, it gives the form.

I: It is merely the channel.

Mother: Yes, it is the channel.

I: How is it that I get ideas and suggestions which are contrary to yours?

Mother: The mind is like a public street; all sorts of things are coming from the outside.

I: When I am with you alone I can establish the true relation with you. But in the presence of others, I feel disturbed.

Mother: That shows that you are yet open to influences from the outside. That is very bad. Even in a crowd you must remain as if there are yourself and myself. When I turn to anybody I at once bring my true relation with him. You also should be able to do that.

1929 (Undated)

I: Why is it that your force cannot yet work effectively through me? Is there anything in me which is not given to you?

Mother: It is the want of transparency. The whole being may be given, yet movements may continue with mix with the true inspiration. These have to be transformed and it is a long process. You must learn to distinguish between the two, and reject every movement that is not originated by the Divine. In you it is the mind which originated these mixed movements. You should be always alert. If in the midst of speaking you see that such a movement is coming, you should stop speaking.

I: It seems to me that I am more successful in the vital than in the mental.

1929 (Undated)

Mother: Write to X:

“I hear that you are still suffering from illness and not keeping in good health. You should know that the cause is the same. You are still divided, your inner being seeks the Divine but your outer being pulls the other way. You are still bargaining with the Divine. How can you expect to be all right? It is this disharmony in you which is causing all these disturbances. All your ills are bound to disappear when you consecrate yourself to the Divine without reserve in all your parts. Constantly aspire for the same and exert your will to make your being one and undivided, integrally given up to the Divine.”

7 October 1929

Mother: Only devotion can break the crust. Even love is not sufficient — it brings down the Divine to the same level.


From my childhood I had the Agni in me. It makes one so hopeful, luminous, master over all difficulties. Only those people feel depressed who have no Agni in them.

13 October 1929

Mother: Unless one has the will to change, an ardent will, he will never change. I have lived with people for twenty years who always commit the same mistakes, though every time they repent for it. If the defects are pointed out to them, they at once become depressed and discouraged.

You have changed much, but that does not mean that you should sit satisfied.

14 October 1929

I interpreted a blessing of the Mother thus: “The Divine gives her love only to those who love her with sincere gratefulness.”

Mother: You are last of the last [uncertain reading]. Shall I give you a scolding? The Divine does not wait for anything for manifesting love; it is there always, everywhere, supporting every atom. Without Divine Love nothing could exist. Those who are purified by loving gratitude become conscious of this love.

You know this but it is your mind which has gone wrong. It is not merely a mistake of expression, but a mistake of thought which is very bad.

It is a good training for your mind.

October 1929 (No date)

Again I committed a similar mistake. I wrote: “Give yourself generously to the Divine and the Divine’s Love is sure to respond with generosity.”

Mother: It is not at all inspired. It is very flat. There is the spirit of bargain. The generosity of the Divine’s Love is always there, that is revealed to you when there is generosity in you. What will be revealed to you of the Divine depends on your own experience and realization.

23 October 1929

“Surrender to the Divine and the integral transformation are the two great steps leading to the new perfect creation.”

This sentence contains in itself the whole of Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga. It has the force of a mantra. It came to the Mother during soup last night and the whole time (one hour) it was with her as a vast experience. She saw the surrender as a square (while showing this Mother drew the square with hand on her chest) consisting of millions and millions of small offerings, full of light and from the “needle heads” of light there was rising the transformation.

27 October 1929

“With simple sincerity, faithfulness and purity open your vital being to the Divine’s Love.”

Here sincerity implies that the opening is whole, not partial, there being no reservation; faithfulness implies that there is not temporary opening and then closing up — the opening must be permanent, constant; purity implies that it is not mixed up with desire.

5 November 1929

Mother: Whenever there is a reference to your sister, I see a great danger for you. She may exert a subtle influence on you and your progress will be stopped. It has happened to other people. They were going on well, but after their wives or sisters arrived their progress was arrested. So you must be very careful. You must not try to help her in any way, that will affect your sadhana. It is a great test for you. It is for this reason that I have been again and again postponing her coming. I did not want to put you to that test. I am now bringing her not for your sake, but for her sake. There are many sides.

7 November 1929

I asked: Is it at all necessary to stock dry fish for cats?

Mother said: It was I who made that arrangement. You see how you receive things. The physical inconvenience to which you are put—the bad smell—blinded your consciousness.

You will see a message today intended for another person. The subject is the same, though in his case it is a conscious revolt, whereas yours is unconscious.


X wants to know what is meant by bargaining with the Divine. You can write to him that Mother has given the following answer:

Bargaining means to try to buy things as cheap as can be.

To bargain with the Divine is an attempt to get the Divine Grace and help, yourself giving as little as possible.


November 1929 (No date)

Mother: When I saw Sri Aurobindo for the first time, at once I knew that here was he, the Divine. It was a revelation. And once you know that here is the Divine, how can there be any more doubt, any questioning? I unburdened myself before him and became so happy, joyful, free! Whatever he said I at once accepted it as the truth, there was absolutely no room for doubts. When he said that my mental constructions were illusions, they at once broke down, though I had lived on them for 14 years!

In 1914 I had to go away. He did not keep me, what could I do? I had to go. But I left my psychic being with him and in France I was once on the point of death; the doctors had given me up.


People must have faith, surrender and absolute vital confidence in the Divine.


For complete mastery over sex these are the requirements—pure mind, a mind completely free from all sexual thought; integral opening with sincerity; vital peace; patience in transformation.


19 November 1929 (Evening)

Mother: Long before I met Sri Aurobindo, 10 or 12 years before I was doing conscious yoga, I was aware of two dangers: one was the danger of accepting as the Divine one of the Asuras who masquerade as so and the other was mistaking movements of the lower nature as inspirations coming from above. But I surrendered to nobody. I felt the presence of the Divine in my inner being and my exterior life was faithful to it. I was never divided. Then when I saw Sri Aurobindo, I at once knew that it was he, the Divine, and I wholly surrendered myself to him; my whole being gave the consent; if it was a mistake it was a mistake of the whole being and I could not do anything else. Thereafter whatever Sri Aurobindo said, I accepted without the least doubt, questioning or hesitation.

It was very easy to ask him what was to be done and guide oneself accordingly. Now my relation with him is such that I can know directly what he would require me to do. When anybody asks me any question of some importance, I concentrate and receive the answer from Sri Aurobindo, I come into touch with his centre of expression. Afterwards when I meet him, he gives the answer almost in the same words. This happens in most cases.

It has taken a long time to accomplish this. It requires great wakefulness, observation, discrimination—a long, patient labour like that of a scientist in his laboratory. Always to remain wakeful and unite the will with the Divine Will—that is true surrender.


Tamas is a great obstacle. It stops all progress. I have become so conscious, even in my most material being, yet sometimes there comes the tendency to avoid effort, to withdraw into Sri Aurobindo—as I so often do—and leave him to do the work. During soup time, the dull, heavy, dark, tamasic atmosphere created by the people puts a great strain on me.


In your case, I approve of the work you are doing.


21 November 1929 (Evening)

Is this not true? Sincerity, sincerity, sincerity—that is the great lever of uplifting.

I told Mother about a dream. She was telling people that they wanted the Divine not for the sake of the Divine but for the satisfaction of their own egoistic claims. Mother said: “That is quite true.”

2 December 1929

I asked Mother: May I ask X to copy my articles?

Mother frowned and said: He has already sufficient work. Then I do not like it on principle that people should be asked to work in this manner. It does not help them. On the other hand, it disturbs them and creates false relations. Why can’t you do it yourself? It will be a little later, but it is not something of tremendous importance. It is the old habit of seeking to be surrounded by people.


10 December 1929

Mother: I am as much against journalistic writing as against politics. You have to interest the people, otherwise your writing will not be published; and by trying to be interesting you bring yourself down to their level. And what is the use? The world will not suffer, on the other hand gain much, if most of the journalism was not there. I have seen it work and know what it means.

It is better to write impersonally on a subject without reference to personalities and personal opinions.

I do not ask you to stop writing articles but that is my way of looking at it.


What is worship? Offering? No, that is your mistake. Worship has many forms besides offering. Thus singing, dancing, burning incense, all these are forms of worship. True worship is the true outward form given to the inner movement of devotion. And what is it that best expresses devotion? It is the integral offering of our whole being.

When the placing of flowers at the feet of the Divine, or some such movement done in the right way, is the symbolic expression of the inner movement of devotion, then it becomes true worship.

19 December 1929

Mother: Do you know what this flower means? It is “Thoroughness in work” [1] ; it is the true movement of Mahasaraswati—opposite to à peu près which means a work half-done, a work which seems to be finished but is not really so.

22 December 1929

Mother: This is “Organization” external and internal. You must have it now.


This is “Intuitive light in the material”. You do not know what it means? You are becoming silly. It is the light of the intuitive mind in the material consciousness; it is very useful and necessary.


I: I sometimes utter words, even obscene words, without knowing why I do so—they seem to be something quite apart from me.

Mother: It shows that you are under the influence of some mischievous power—it is trying to use you for amusement. You must not lose consciousness and have control over yourself.

24 December 1929

Mother: What is purified life-energy?

I: When it is free from obscurity and is not bound by habitual association, but is consciously consecrated to the Divine.

When it is an upward movement and not downward.

Mother: You should try to explain what you mean by these words. It is a want of such explanation which has led to much confusion. The divine is above, below, everywhere. The word “upward movement” is used by those who want to escape from the material world to some higher level. But the divine life is to be realized here.

Sri Aurobindo once told me that originally there was truth in the teaching about Maya, though afterwards people lost the truth and misunderstood it. The world as we see it is an illusion from the point of view of the truth-consciousness. But that does not mean that the world is an illusion. A stick appears broken under water; the truth is that the stick is not broken and the brokenness is an illusion; that does not mean that the stick is an illusion.

I know what you mean but you cannot express it correctly. You vaguely use words to which you are habituated. It is due to your habit of making speeches, writing newspaper articles. You must first clearly see the truth, the seer in you must see the light before it; then there must be an aspiration in the centre of expression for the true words; you must wait for them and not use anything that comes from habitual associations.


Today is “new birth” day. People are having new names. You have already a name, but it is difficult to carry. It is the name of a god and you cannot bear it until it is realized.


Be clear, lucid, conscious, wakeful.

25 December 1929

I offered “Detachment”.
Mother asked: From what?
I: From all lower movements, from all falsehood. Let my birth in the higher consciousness be established (confirmed).
Mother said: Begin with “Vital Harmony” and she blessed me with it.


Speaking of X Mother said his heart was closed. Such a person cannot carry on Yoga.

30 December 1929

Interpretation of flowers given by Mother for blessing: When “The physical centre is under the supramental influence” there will come “Mental victory” over “Gold”; mental victory is only the beginning.

16 January 1930

Mother found out a new flower today signifying, “The power to reject hostile suggestions”.

I said: This is very useful.

Mother: O yes, it is indispensable.

I: Hostile suggestions have to be averted before they enter into us.

Mother: Yes, from a distance.

I: Otherwise once it is allowed to enter, the mischief is done.

Mother: It will have to be worked out.

20 January 1930

Yesterday I wrote a poem on Navajanma, new birth.

Mother said: About this poem Sri Aurobindo said that this was not good and asked me to tell you not to write until you get powerful inspirations. Your mind is becoming active.

26 January 1930

Tonight Mother concentrated on “Radha” flower and I came third.

Mother said: You ought to have come first—it is rather awkward. Perhaps you will come first with some other flower. What is it?

2 February 1930

Mother: People want to go their own way and thus stumble on stones. They want to substitute their own will for the Divine’s Will. They think they can trick me, fools as they are. They put pressure upon me thinking that I shall yield to their will; if I yield—and sometimes I do—then they are lost for good. I must check the people.

3 February 1930

Mother gave “Conquest of sex” and then a bunch of “Faithfulness” remarking smilingly, “That is the condition”.

21 February 1930

Mother’s message:

“Sincerity means to lift all the movements of the being to the level of the highest consciousness and realization already attained.

“Sincerity exacts the unification and harmonization of the whole being in all its parts and movements around the central Divine Will.”


Mother: Every part of the being may not know or understand the Divine or feel its touch, nevertheless, it must obey the highest part—that is the essence of sincerity. People have a false idea of sincerity, that of bringing the higher to the lower level. Thus if you feel that you hate a person, you should express it in word and deed. To feel hatred and show yourself otherwise—that may be insincerity, but true sincerity consists in getting rid of the hatred and thus harmonizing your feeling and action.

5 March 1930

Mother explained the significance of “Rebirth”:

You completely leave your past behind, the old habits and ways of living; you enter into a new consciousness.

Your past is a burden, it drags you down. Why do children feel so light? They have no past.

Do not look behind, but always look towards the front.

I: Does this new birth occur abruptly or does it occur gradually?

Mother: It occurs abruptly—there is a sharp break from the past. But the new consciousness settles down gradually.

26 March 1930

Mother blessed me with “Detachment” (thorough) and “Faithfulness” and remarked: Something will be made clear to you today.

In the evening Mother said: Why are you still attached to your family? It is so ingrained in you that you do not even know it; it is clouding your consciousness and you are deceiving the Divine; in this manner, the sense of responsibility towards the family, you are no better than others.

It is this attachment to the family which is causing the mischief to your [sadhana] and the family. Have done with it. Henceforth everything you earn shall come here.

I said: I am sincerely trying to give up this attachment, but I do not succeed. Help me. With your help I shall do it.

Mother: Do not say that. I am helping you all along every hour, every minute, every moment.

5 April 1930

I asked the significance of a flower.

Mother said: You don’t remember? Your education was very bad. It is “Vital plenitude”. Do you know what it means?

I: Yes, fullness.

Mother: Yes, it is that; it is fullness; also fulfilment.

6 April 1930

Mother: This flower signifies “The play of Sri Krishna’s light in the overmind.”

12 April 1930

Mother: Whenever any person conceals anything from the Divine he goes a step downwards into unconsciousness, he dies to that extent. Your life should be like an open book before the Divine, always ready for integral inspection. Nothing that feels uneasy before the light of consciousness and wants to conceal itself should be allowed to do so. Only in this way will consciousness be awakened everywhere.


The force behind desire and the force behind realization is the same thing. In case of desire it is distorted by selfishness. On account of this force behind, desires have such power of realizing themselves. If you go on knocking at a thing with desire, it is bound to be realized. But people have a confusion of desires contradicting each other; hence they are not fulfilled.

16 April 1930

I: I find now that the inner contact is much more intense than the outer physical contact.

Mother: Yes, the physical is closed, poor; it is dull and irresponsive, so requires movement. The psychic contact is wonderful.

23 April 1930

Mother: This is “Detachment” from everything that is not Krishna’s light in the material. Do you understand? Krishna’s light, that is the light of the Truth. To be more clear, be detached from everything else except Sri Aurobindo’s creation.

12 May 1930

Mother: What does your vital being pray for?

I: For the Divine.

Mother: You have put it very nicely. I like it.


Eight is the number of the best protection.

20 May 1930

I: Your protection is always with us. When we realize this, we have not the least fear of hostile forces and adverse circumstances. We have only to trust in you, and go on merrily.

Mother: Yes. People do not do that, they depend upon their own power.

I: In order to have complete trust in the Divine, one has first to feel and realize the grace and the protection of the Divine.

Mother: No. It is not so. Your trust and faith in the Divine must be unconditional. If you make it depend on what you see and understand of the ways of the Divine, if you begin to argue and understand by the mind, then you are finished. The faith must be in your nature. If I go back to my experience in respect of Sri Aurobindo, I find this. All the circumstances were against my putting trust in him; he even appeared to wish that I should go away, though that was only an appearance. I had to go away. But I knew Sri Aurobindo was the Divine, and that was sufficient for me to put my absolute trust in him. If you begin to judge things by the mind, you are finished.

I: This faith must be in one’s nature.

Mother: But you must also keep it up.

18 June 1930

Mother: This is “Ananda in the sex-centre.” It is not yet realized. It requires a lot of preparation.

22 June 1930

By “Modest” “Devotion” you will “Realize” “The conquest over sex-movements”.

2 October 1930

Mother: So X brought you out. She has brought you out of all things, out of your detachment, concentration, aloofness. Seeing her sobbing you let yourself off.

You were grieved to meet the death of your mother. You were not conscious of the tremendous help that was given to you. You felt proud and so you stumbled.

I did not stop you, as it was not serious. I allowed you to go through it, to see for yourself, to realize the need of remaining always vigilant.

21 October 1930

From Mother’s book:

The small detailed movements in our life are governed by the subconscient. How far they will reflect the Divine depends on the measure in which the subconscient is turned towards the Divine.

29 October 1930

Mother: What do you require most?

I: I do not know.

Mother: I think it is a quiet mind which you require most.

6 November 1930

I: What is pure mind?

Mother: A mind which is moved only by the supramental influence, that is, the divine influence; a mind quiet, surrendered, receptive.

I: How to make the mind quiet?

Mother: By making it quiet. It looks like a joke, but it is serious.

8 November 1930

I: Mahakali belongs to the overmind?

Mother: Yes, all the four Powers [2] are of the overmind, as also all the gods.

I: Sri Krishna?

Mother: He also is of the overmind.

I: Who, then, are the supramental gods?

Mother: There are no supramental gods; they have their origin in the supramental planes; their manifestations are in the overmind.


I: When the mind becomes quiet, it does not become empty.

Mother: Oh, no. It becomes full of knowledge; it becomes like a mirror reflecting truth. A quiet mind does not move. But it must be empty of the lower things before it can truly reflect truth. People are afraid of this.

11 November 1930

I: I find myself surrounded by hostile forces, they are only too ready to take advantage of the least weakness or lapse in me.

Mother: Yes, that happens in yoga.

I: Sometimes it seems to me that these attacks come as tests from you.

Mother: No. That, again, is a hostile suggestion. The hostile forces act in this twofold way. They launch attacks and at the same time suggest that these are coming from the Divine.

I: Does not the Divine send tests for us?

Mother: No. All tests come from the hostile forces. They go on trying as long as they see any chance of success. If they find no such chance, they give up.

21 November 1930

My brother X arrived this morning.

Mother said: These are trials for you. Remain calm and consecrated.

24 November 1930 (The Great Victory Day)

Datta had declared the great victory on the 24th November 1926 thus: “He (Sri Aurobindo) has conquered life, conquered death, conquered all. Lord Krishna has come.”

Mother explained last night: It is not that Lord Krishna was not there; on the 24th he manifested in the most material consciousness and Sri Aurobindo said that he knew that now the time had come to take up the work of the new creation.


Speaking of those days Mother said that the atmosphere was intense because it was a psychic atmosphere. The overmind, the plane of the gods, was brought in touch with the physical plane; this touch was necessary, otherwise the supramental transformation would not be possible. Now the work is going on in another field, because it is necessary.


In the evening Mother said: Sri Aurobindo was pleased with you and said, “He is always progressing.”

17 December 1930

Mother: The Infinite manifests itself in and through finite forms. As long as we limit ourselves to the transient forms we live in Ignorance. When we have conscious communion with the Infinite beyond and behind the names and forms, these appear to us in their real truth, as the occasions, channels, instruments of our communion with the Infinite Light and Power and Bliss.


We are at least a contributory cause of all difficulties and disturbances that come upon us and upon others connected with us. The atmosphere we create around us by our nature is responsible for most of the things that happen to us. Everything will be all right in our atmosphere of calm, peace, faith, true aspiration, love, devotion.


Never depend upon any knowledge brought by the mind; it is always imperfect, incomplete, partial, mixed, if not altogether false. For true knowledge, make the mind silent and receptive, opening itself to the light that comes from above.

20 January 1931

Mother said in the evening: I was talking with Sri Aurobindo about the sadhaks. Sri Aurobindo said: “For those who are still in the human consciousness, the one thing needed is faith in the Divine”, and then he mentioned “like A and X. Then what is best will happen.” This is not the first time that he referred to you. He mentioned you before as one of the very few who are progressing steadily and give the minimum trouble.

I am not praising you, I am impartially saying what Sri Aurobindo has said.

5 April 1931

I: You determine all my work, Mother.

Mother: You are not yet ready for it.

I: Try.

Mother: I do not try.

I: I think I am ready.

Mother: Think it a little longer.

I: Before I knew that I was not ready, but now I feel otherwise.

Mother: You have progressed, no doubt.

19 May 1931

Mother remarked: By spirituality these people understand ethical self-discipline; they do not know the glory of union with the Divine.

12 August 1931

Conveying Sri Aurobindo’s remarks about my poem “The Miracle”, the Mother said: He has changed some words. Some words you have used are philosophical, not poetical, (e.g. ‘Love Divine’). Then the phrase ‘turns blue’ in English means something ridiculous. Also there is rhyme in the first verse but not in the second. The image is good. You must have rhyme in both the verses or in none. So Sri Aurobindo has made some corrections which make it a fine poem.

The poem as corrected by Sri Aurobindo stands thus:

                                                 The Miracle

                     The great transcending sky leaned from above

                     In silence kisses the aspiring earth,

                           Its vast unbounded space

                           Locked in the close embrace,

                     It turns the stainless void to sapphire love!

                     The one universal Truth to souls below

                     In mystic union far beyond all time

                           Bends through the world’s play-bars;

                           Its suns and moons and stars

                     Are pale reflections from that Love sublime.

15 August 1931

Mother said in the evening: He [Sri Aurobindo] gave you a big compliment. I do not remember the exact words—“the most remarkable of all”, “the most wonderful”—these are not the words, but that is the sense. He places you on the top from the yogic point of view. How he smiled!

20 August 1931

About my poem “The World-Shunning Saint” the Mother said in the evening: Sri Aurobindo has asked you to study rules of metres, rhymes and rhythms. The thought is good but it is not poetry. When there are rules you must follow them. Sri Aurobindo said that you write English poetry just as you write in Bengali—but the two things are different. Perhaps you have not read sufficient English poetry which would have created a subconscious ground in your mind. You know better the rules of Bengali poetry.

I said: I do not feel inclined now to read for the sake of writing poetry; if anything comes, I shall write.

Mother approved and said: It does not matter. Only Sri Aurobindo will say that it is not good poetry.

26 August 1931

Mother: Sri Aurobindo says that the turn of your mind is too philosophical for writing poetry; you explain too much, whereas poetry should be more suggestive. We shall see whether it is corrected.

5 September 1931

I said to the Mother that I was taking Amlaki with curd as prescribed in Ayurvedic books. Mother said to the effect that all sorts of things are written in books. Every ten years theories are changing. Before it was said that tomatoes were very harmful, now they say that tomatoes are very good. Before it was recommended that you should take as much grapes as you can, now they advise moderation. These are all mental ideas. I think Nergine with curd is very good.

I: Shall I stop this?

Mother: As you like it. I have no experience of this thing.

I: Why should I follow mental ideas?

Mother: Why should you replace one set of ideas by another? As long as you have ideas, this sort of things will go on.

6 September 1931

Mother read a message in the stores this evening, that in yoga a link, a connection is to be established between the outer body and the inner self. Mother said to me: “All this is old stuff for you. Something like six years old.”

26 January 1932

Mother said during interview:

These nights I have been seeing you. Two days ago I saw you — it was a long affair, all symbolical. There were people living in isolated homes in the Ashram — a ship sailing — a train. You offered me an umbrella. I wanted to go to you with something to give, probably sweets. X objected, as the umbrella you offered was an ugly one. Still I went to you. I saw you completely undressed. I said “No, that won’t do.” Immediately you dressed yourself. Then you gave me your umbrella. I said “Yes, it is all right, it is exactly the thing I need.” You said “That is all I can give. But I am giving you six good chairs.” Chairs, of course, meant places for persons — and that was a substantial help. The chairs were very nice. I said I would not now give them to people. I shall give them the old ones.

The sea was very rough — all the people on the ship were sick and complaining. But you said “Where is the storm? I do not feel anything.” I said “Come out and see.” You came out and saw but said that you did not feel anything. I said “Yes, only those who are one in Consciousness with me will not feel it.”

People were boarding an overcrowded train. The train of course referred to our progress. I said, “I won’t go by this train, I shall choose my own time and go with my selected ones.”

9 February 1932

Mother said during interview:

Have you taken… from X? You have still social feeling? Why do they not take my permission? These things have to be done in the divine way. People forget that they are here to do yoga. They want to continue old habits, old ways.

When you hear of the illness of your child, can you take it in the same manner as if you were hearing of the illness of any other child? That is a test. You must eliminate the subconscient reactions. You may not know, but there is attachment very deep. Why do you not live always in your higher consciousness? What are those family relations, when viewed from there? It is just like regarding the earth you are treading upon as your own.

Give up the lower consciousness for good. When you come for pranam on the 21st, throw it at the feet of Sri Aurobindo.

The subconscient reactions have to be got rid of slowly and gradually. I do not believe in clean cuts; that only throws them back. I left my family in 1916 and I took up my work 8 years later in 1924.

Why do you think of your physical birth? I have given you new birth positively so many times?

We aim at curing humanity of illness and other suffering, but for that it is necessary to change the consciousness.

20 April 1932

During the interview Mother explained:

No letter written in connection with the death of my nephew X. If there is any link between two persons, one surely knows about the death of the other even from a great distance, because he is in the atmosphere of him.

I said I knew. Mother said: You had some link with him; you tried to protect him. There is no objection to it; that is the work which the Divine demands of you and you do it in the right attitude.

The interchange was never deep and sweet but short. I said “It finishes too soon.” Mother said “It finishes never.”

1 June 1932

Mother said: Last night you were showing me your writings—poems, translation of my sentences, etc. I heard actually your voice. You had drawn silver lines and were showing them to me. Silver is the symbol of spirituality. You were making some sort of arrangement of the writings. Were you conscious?


Do you know what Sri Aurobindo said about you? “Be prepared to live at the height of the thing.” Several days ago, when speaking about the sadhaks, he spontaneously said, “A has the spirit of this yoga.” It is true. Did I not tell you so under the mango tree? The tree is still there.

3 July 1932

Mother said: Great force is put upon X so that the responsible work he has may be done. People have to keep themselves open and receptive and the work will be done through them. But in his physical nature there is not only resistance and obscurity but perversion. His pains are really due to this and not to the work.

People wrongly interpret things. A woman had a dream. She was climbing a hill and had other experiences. Lastly there was a slide, a big stone fell upon her and she woke up with a feeling of suffocation. It was found that a bit of the ceiling had fallen upon her — a very small thing. It was explained by the psycho-analysts that this was the origin of the whole dream. It is not so. Things happen in other worlds before they happen here —sometimes they occur simultaneously; only the manifestation is a little different. The woman had gone to another world, had experiences which she interpreted as sliding of the stone. These happenings had a result in this world comparatively very small, viz. the falling of a bit of the ceiling.

X has been under the influence of adverse forces. To you it came as a test to show up a weakness that is still in you.

But now that is all finished. Forget all this. I give you today a new birth. Be as pure in your outer being as in the inner being — then will begin the transformation.

24 May 1933

Mother said: I was telling Sri Aurobindo the other day that the world was far from being ready. Sri Aurobindo replied that if the thing that was to manifest was to wait until the world was ready it would have to wait for ever. The world will continuously choose falsehood — it chooses falsehood spontaneously. We have to bring the thing down and impose it upon the world.

29 September 1933

Some days ago X put the question whether there was any correspondence or identity of nature between him and myself. Sri Aurobindo replied, “No; the identity is in the opening to the Mother and its completeness.”

20 October 1933

The subject of music I gave. As a child I confide myself to them. Mother said: When I sat I thought something weak and sweet would come. But when I opened myself, a very forceful being came. Perhaps it was a Russian musician. The Russians have that characteristic mysticism — the power of complete self-giving. A child does not surrender to the Divine — it has only an instinctive dependence on persons from whom it gets bread etc. To make that kind of surrender consciously one must have gone through all the turmoil of the vital and mental planes. A man like X can make that surrender, not a boy like Y.

The music was very good. Mother said that it was this kind of music which she would have liked to have noted down.

12 September 1934

Mother said: The Divine is behind everything and everybody, but it is very far behind. If it is said that all the suffering in the world, suffering of the innocent, reign of falsehood, ill-will — all these are brought in by the Divine, that will not be true. All these come from the hostile forces. Things have gone very wrong — and the Divine Love has intervened to correct. The mystery was at the beginning — there are many possible worlds, many experiences and there is only one — a drop. There must have been some accident which made the world as it is — whatever the explanation of that accident —things as they are, are very bad.

When these things will be corrected, the perfection also will be unique and wonderful.

8 January 1935

Mother gave flowers after the interview, meaning: “Intuition in the mind”, “Stability in the vital”, “Divine love in the psychic centre”, “Divine purity” will lead to perfect “Friendship with the Divine”.

5 March 1935

Mother gave these flowers:

First “Promise of Realization” to begin with; that will come by “Purification” through “Agni”; the result will be “Ananda in the physical”.

I said: Little by little Thy work will be accomplished in spite of all obstacles.

Mother said: The time is not much if you consider the time that is taken for light to come from the first star. The obstacles are always the same.

12 March 1935

Mother gave these flowers: “Flame in the psychic”, “Divine thought in the mental”, “Aspiration in the physical”, “Promise of success”.

21 June 1935

Flowers from the Mother: “Peace in the physical”, “Light in the subconscious”, “Purity”— these are the conditions of the realization of the “Ananda of the Presence”.

13 October 1936

After a long time I had a talk with the Mother today; so also the Mother remarked. It was about X’s past attempts at suicide. Mother said:

The consciousness has to be changed, and the bodily life is an opportunity of effectuating this change. Those who commit suicide, throw away this opportunity and cause great confusion.

It takes 20 years to develop the consciousness. By suicide, one loses all the work and has to begin again.

People think they cannot change — that is why the change is not effected. I give the consciousness and the power — the consciousness of the thing to be done and the power to do it. What more is required? But people must have the will to change and make use of this consciousness and power.

When the change is effected there will be no wrong reactions — you will not be a slave to them. It is from the subconscient that the reactions come. The change is not effected at once — it has to be done again and again. You cannot say, “Now the thing is accomplished”; you must go forward, otherwise you will fall back.

How far the change has been done is tested by accidents. Mother gave an example from her own life. A motor accident was going to happen; the natural instinct would move the Mother for self-protection, there was no time to think. Instantaneously the Mother moved to protect another person, a student of her, from injury, exposing herself to danger. Then she knew that some change had been effected in her. It is very interesting to note how the physical behaves.

The reaction to collectivity is another example. In a gathering people are catching fear, grief, etc. from others without any reasonable cause. Solidarity is all right, but not in this slavish ignorant way.

Another example is illness. There is something in the being which does not want to throw it away and allows it to take its normal course.

I remarked that it was difficult to act on the physical.

Mother said, “No. That work has been already done by now. The Purusha in the physical has to exert the will.”

8 December 1936

I told Mother that as I was having acidity, I had reduced my diet. Mother took this occasion to point out to me my chief defect in sadhana now. She said that I was hypnotized by the body; I thought about it not in the yogic way. It was this thought about the body that was dragging me down and I had not the same intensity of sadhana and Ananda as I had before. I have passed all other tests but failed in this. There are two or three parts in which I am still thinking not in the yogic way but as an ordinary man. But today only about the body. Mother said: Have the surrender there, don’t bother about the body; look at the reactions, do the needful, but do not let your mind be occupied by it. Say, “Lord, let Thy will be done, save this body as a means of Thy work”, with the faith that the Will will do the needful. All the doctors in the world will not be able to help you, as the Divine Power will. Have trust in it.

Thoughts do great harm, every thought has a reaction. These thoughts are irrational, illogical, subconscient — so to say.

31 August 1937

During the interview the Mother scolded me for supporting X in her whims by my feeling of pity for her. Mother said in this connection: “Your inside is all right, but your outward consciousness has to be changed. It is time that you do it; be ready.”

28 March 1938

For a few days I was feverish in the afternoon and was having some trouble in the intestines, due probably to something wrong in the enema which I took on Friday night. Mother said, “Was it fever really or the heat? I do not find any fever now.” Then she said, “Whatever that may be, it can be cured in the yogic way, even accidents. Don’t react to these things like an ordinary man but like a yogi. Have faith in the Divine, call for peace and throw away the ailment.” I said, “I felt now no disturbance in the mind and was detached.”

Mother said, “Mere detachment is not sufficient. You have to bring down the peace in the physical cells. Of course, there is nothing in the mind, but I am speaking of the body. It is not a new theory; all bodily ailments can be cured in the yogic way by bringing down peace in the very cells of the body.”


[1] In this and the subsequent notes the word or words shown within inverted commas are the spiritual significances given by the Mother to some flowers. 

[2] According to Sri Aurobindo, the four aspects of the Mother represents her four leading Personalities and Powers which have stood in front ‘in her guidance of this Universe and in her dealings with the terrestrial play.’ These aspects are Maheshwari, Mahakali, Mahalakshmi and Mahasaraswati.

18 Replies to “Anilbaran Roy’s Diary Notes and Conversations with the Mother.

  1. Anilbaran: At night Mother told me that in my past life thousands of years ago I had established such an economic organization as had lasted up to this day.

    Does that mean Anilbaran was responsible for the caste system? What else could it be ?

    We have found the culprit 🙂

      1. I was thinking, based on the Mother’s hint, that Anilbaran could have been Manu who codified the caste system two thousand years ago and has lasted to this day

        1. As Sandeep refers to Deshpande, on 19.6.2009 the latter posted in Mirror of Tomorrow an article, “Sanatan Dharma: VIII—an Interview apropos of Chaturvarņa” This is the end of my comment, for which he thanked me:

          “As for the system of Chaturvarna, streaming from the Virat Purusha or Universal Spirit and codified by Manu, it was strictly related to the individual’s svabhava, one’s inborn nature, the truth of one’s being, which determined one’s belonging to a specific varna. As such, Chaturvarna has nothing to do with the perversion of the caste system, rigidly established on heredity instead of one’s inner predisposition. As Sri Aurobindo points out, the betrayal of Chaturvarna is a major cause of the present degeneration.”

          I have quoted at length Sri Aurobindo on this subject in two of my books, “Immortal India”, and “The Gnostic Cycle”, which I also gave to Deshpande. Henceforth I fail to understand how can the caste system be misinterpreted as caturvarna.

          Sorry for the digression, but this is a most important distinction.


      2. Thank you Paulette for the clarification! A Hungarian-Italian-Canadian researcher with a graduate degree like yourself is of invaluable aid in sorting out these delicate distinctions. I still don’t understand why Pranab did not allow you to join the Ashram and forced you to move to Auroville.

        I have quoted at length Sri Aurobindo on this subject in two of my books, “Immortal India”, and “The Gnostic Cycle”, which I also gave to Deshpande.

        I tnink you ought to send Deshpande a copy of all your books ASAP. It may help him in future discussions.

        1. Dear Sandeep,

          I had a special relationship with Pranab, even after I moved to Auroville, as I wrote in “Mirror of Tomorrow” (RYD Deshpande blog):

          “Immortal India – Towards the Ideal Society” is an official compilation from Sri Aurobindo’s writings, sponsored by the GOI, as part of the Auroville celebrations for Sri Aurobindo 125th Anniversary’. I regret that your views don’t tally with Sri Aurobindo’s.


          PS. Apart from three months in Canada to visit my newly born granddaughter, I have not quit India for the past thirty years.

    1. Here the Mother referred to Chanakya. Anilbaran Roy told us he was Chanakya in one birth. I was very close to him during his stay in Calcutta from 1966 to 1974. His brief biography given in the very beginning of Anurag’s introduction was actually written by me which he only translated from Bengali . It should have come under inverted commas along with proper acknowledgement.

      1. Dear Dr. Sailendra Laha,

        For your kind information I had already acknowledged your contribution when I had uploaded Anilbaran’s interviews with Sri Aurobindo in the forum of Overman Foundation in February 2013. If you check the link given below, you will find that I have given your name as well as your email address while narrating Anilbaran’s biography:

        I hope you know what the sentence “Courtesy: Dr. Sailendra Laha” means.

        Since your help was already acknowledged I felt there was no need to repeat it. But I guess I would have to repeat it whenever anything related to Anilbaran is uploaded in this forum or else you and your enormous ego would not be satisfied.

        Anurag Banerjee

  2. Thanks for this information. Anil Baran Roy has indeed left a great impact through The Message of the Gita. By editing it in the traditional style, he imparted a richer connectivity between the Gita and Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga. A most significant and priceless service done to Indian spiritual tradition.

  3. There is an interesting sentence in Sri Aurobindo’s “Record of Yoga”, p. 1344 under the category of “Undated Notes, c. January 1927”. In this sentence Sri Aurobindo writes: ‘Anilbaran: Vivekananda—The “Fearless”.’

  4. Years ago whenever I came to the Ashram as a visitor I used to attend Anil Baran’s Gita classes which were held once in a week in the morning, in the Tresor House. He would not give any lectures but after a brief meditation in the beginning, he would ask, “Any question?” In response to that he would expound some aspects of the theme. Then another question … That is how the class was conducted.

  5. I am surprised to read about the caste-system, instead of chaturvarna, when Sri Aurobindo takes great trouble in differentiating them. The castes, hereditary, are a degeneration of chaturvarna, founded and systematised by the manu, and based on the inner predisposition and merit. Caturvarna was the translation in terms of society of the virat purusa, the rg veda’s Cosmic Being in a human form; the four varnas correspond to the different parts of its body, all equally necessary.

    Thanks for re-introducing Integral Yoga, practiced in the Ashram’s golden years by a true sadhak.

    Paulette (Auroville)

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